Most of us are never taught about relationships. It’s not a subject we learn at school, it’s usually not something we talk about with our parents… instead, we’re left to ‘fly blind’ and figure it out for ourselves…
Which is crazy, right? For something so important?
It also means that heaps of us are walking around with some seriously icky beliefs about what a ‘good’ relationship is, and what it takes to make one work.
Today, I want to bust 7 of these myths, once and for all. So… are you ready for some truth bombs? Here are they are!
Myth #1. Your partner should ‘complete’ you.
This a hugely common belief, but it’s not true.
Think of yourself as the most delicious raw vegan double chocolate cupcake, complete with sugar-free chocolate frosting, and a sprinkling of activated nuts on top (#drool).
When you’re that epically tasty, you don’t need anyone else to “complete” you — you’re already delicious exactly as you are!
Instead, your partner is actually the juicy, yummo organic cherry on top of your cupcake. Yes, they complement you, and ADD to your deliciousness, but you are already a magnificent delicacy all on your own!
Myth #2. You and your partner must always agree on things.
No one agrees on everything. That said, it definitely helps when you agree on the ‘big stuff’. But what the ‘big stuff’ actually is is completely up to the two of you.
To make sure you and your partner are largely on the same page, I recommend taking the time to openly talk about the values, qualities and interests that are important to each of you.
Not only will this exercise help you get to know your partner on a whole new level, you’ll also be able to identify the areas where you’re in alignment and where you’re not. You can then make an informed decision about whether you’re willing to accept any points of difference, or whether they’re dealbreakers.
Myth #3. Conflict is a sign of a crappy relationship.
Untrue. It’s natural to have irritations, disagreements, even fights. What matters is how you manage and move through those conflicts.
My husband and I have a rule: if we’re having a disagreement, and one of us finds ourselves speaking from a place of fear not love, we remove ourselves from the conversation and take a break. We only resume when we’re BOTH able to approach the discussion from a place of respect, openness and love.
Of course, I don’t want to blow smoke here — this is not always an easy thing to do (especially when you’re angry and all you want to do is vent!). But when you DO manage to tap into your highest truth and make this choice, you’ll never regret it. Promise.
Myth #4. Having a baby will ‘fix’ things.
If there are cracks in your relationship, Band-Aid cures — like having a baby or buying a new house etc. — won’t fix them. Even if your Band-Aid of choice helps you both ‘pull it together’ for a period, the problems will always resurface eventually.
Your best bet is to actually open wide and address those issues face on, using what I like to call ‘CCC’ — a.k.a. Crystal Clear Communication — which involves speaking from your heart (not your head), being fully present with the person in front of you, and listening with both ears.
Myth #5. Breakups are ‘bad’.
Sometimes, walking away from a relationship is the healthiest, most loving thing you can do — for yourself and your partner.
Breakups might be hard and upsetting (then again, they might not) but that doesn’t mean that they can’t also be a positive step forward for you both, and an opportunity for tremendous soul growth.
Myth #6. If you’re truly in love, the romance will never fade.
If your idea of ‘romance’ is what you see in a Hollywood movie — red roses and picture-perfect dates, all whilst sporting the perfect blow-out — then you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Because I hate to break it to you, but at some stage, your partner is going to fart, stink up the toilet, and do things that TOTALLY annoy you… especially if you’re in it for the long term!
Rather than clinging to a one-dimensional idea of what passion looks like, allow yourself and your partner to create your OWN definition of passion and romance.
For example, when I’ve spent 12 straight hours in front of the computer, trying to meet a publishing deadline, ‘romance’ is my man bringing me a beautiful, fresh smoothie that I can drink in front of the screen.
Romance is also when he runs me a bath, rolls out my yoga mat, pops on my oil diffuser… it’s all those everyday moments of kindness and love that build a strong relationship, far more than a bouquet of roses ever could.
Myth #7. Relationships are meant to be ‘easy’.
This myth might be the most damaging one of all!
The truth is, relationships take work, time, energy, love and conscious nurturing. They also go through seasons and cycles, which means there might be times when you find yourself having to channel a lot more love and effort into the partnership. That said, there will also be times of ease and bliss — wherever you’re at right now, it’s all perfect and it’s all unfolding that way for a reason.
So the fact that you’re ‘working’ on your relationship isn’t a bad a sign, it actually means that you’re someone who’s willing to show up and put in the effort — which is an essential prerequisite for a healthy, happy partnership.
On that note, if you want to find out MORE juicy details about how to create rocking relationships, find alignment with your soulmate, and experience the most mind-blowing and soulful sex of your life, check out my latest book, Open Wide.
Packed full of fresh, useful tools and techniques for upgrading ALL the relationships in your life, this is the definitive guide for women who desire deep intimacy, true connection, and full-blown sensual fulfilment. Grab your copy now!
In her signature straight-talking style, Melissa teaches women how to unlock their full potential, master their inner Mean Girl, smash through limiting beliefs, and ditch the self-doubt so that they can start living the life of their dreams.
Named a ‘self-help guru’ by Elle Magazine her mission is to inspire women to create a heart-centred life one that’s wildly wealthy, fabulously healthy and bursting with love.